Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
