If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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