it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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