Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
