so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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