You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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