how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
