Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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