During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
