I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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