don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
