Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
