It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
