Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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