If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
