You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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