to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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