She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
