I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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