yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
