is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
