It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
