My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
