just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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