I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
