You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
