We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
