Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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