how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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