i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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