took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
