just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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