I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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