I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
