Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
