dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
