I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
