Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
