so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
