Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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