I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
