I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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