woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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