Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
