her vagine was all disorganized.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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