I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
