i permit you to call me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
