I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I am available for nakedness
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
