yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
