Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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