just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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