Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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