Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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