He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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