Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
