I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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