well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
